Neuqua Valley has a reputation for being an outstanding school with remarkable academic, athletic, and music programs. With 4,000 students, its hallways are crowded and the cafeteria is loud. Yet, it is hard to believe that out of these 4,000 students, more than 1,000 of them have been or will be involved in an unhealthy relationship.
Although the media has continued to expose the dangers of dating violence, it seems improbable that Neuqua could be the home to so many victims of this kind of abuse. Most teenagers think of physical abuse or sexual assault when dating violence is brought up, but in no way is this true. Emotional and psychological abuses are largely forgotten, but Tom Santoro is working hard to end.
After his daughter Lisa was murdered by her obsessive ex-boyfriend, Mr. Santoro created Dear Lisa, a dating violence prevention program. On October 28th, he comes to the Gold Building to raise awareness about all types of dating violence, even the kinds that are mostly overlooked. His program poses the question: What is an unhealthy relationship?
According to Ms. Packer, Neuqua’s social worker, there are many components to an unhealthy relationship. If one partner in the relationship is controlling in ways like telling the other what to do, giving the other orders, or making decisions for the other, it is a clear warning sign of dating violence. Similarly, if a partner is over-jealous or too possessive, the relationship is almost always unhealthy. Accusations of cheating, trying to decide the other partner’s friends, and constantly checking on the other partner fall under the warning sign of jealousy. Also, verbal abuse is a very common and overlooked warning sign. From threatening to criticism, verbal abuse is an indication to end the relationship.
“A relationship should make you feel better about yourself than when you’re not in one,” says Ms. Packer. A healthy relationship isn’t just the opposite of an unhealthy relationship; it is the combination of communication, trust, and mutual respect, among other things. A relationship will take time and energy to become truly healthy and stable, but if it does not work out, it is important for one partner not to take all the blame. A relationship gone sour is the product of faults of both partners, and the only thing worse than an unhealthy relationship, is for one partner to take on all the blame for the end of a relationship.It is important to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship before it is too late, as Tom Santoro has found out and has tried to educate people. Abuse, no matter what kind, always escalates and only in rare cases gets better. By being able to identify the warning signs though, it becomes possible to stop and figure out if the relationship is truly unhealthy, or if it is just going through rocky times. No matter the situation, a relationship should be fun and should be enjoyed, and if not, it may be time to break things off.
By Molly Leger, staff writer
